


The 3rd of December

by ShippingBravery



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Louis, Drunk Louis, Fingering, M/M, Rimming, Swearing, TW: Self Harm, TW: Suicide, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:47:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1566803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingBravery/pseuds/ShippingBravery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The 3rd of December. Louis was 26 years old and he was getting drunk to forget, forget the thing that haunted him every moment of his life. But how does someone forget the person they love most?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 3rd of December

The 3rd of December. Louis was wandering around his flat when he saw the date on the calendar. It had been exactly one year. Louis hated this day. Louis hated all the days, every moment that passed by he wanted to die. The 3rd of December. Louis was 26 years old, and on that day he decided he wanted to be drunk. He wanted the numbness to overtake his body so he could just _forget._

-

_2 years earlier_

It was October 31st and Liam was hosting a Halloween party. Of course all the boys had been invited, along with the hundred or so other people attending. Louis was properly wasted, his words slurring and feet getting caught on everything, including things that technically weren’t there. “Harry!” Louis called, as he drunkenly wandered around the room. He wanted Harry, his Harry. “Where’s Harry?” Louis asked, to no in particular. 

“I’m right here Lou.” A familiar voice answered, and Louis spun around to greet the taller boy.

“Harry!” Louis exclaimed, and falls into the boy’s arms, arms and legs entangling as they stumble backwards into the wall.

“Louis what are you doing?” Harry asked laughing.

“Wanted to see you.” Louis pouts.

“Louis.”

“What.” Louis responded, but it sounded more like “whaayt” as he again stumbled.

“Do you want to go back to my room? You shouldn’t be out in this,” he paused, “state of mind.”

“Okay Harry, let’s go homeeee…” he slurred his last word, and leaned into Harry as they pushed across the crowded room. Once outside they paused, the cold air feeling wonderful after the stuffiness of Liam’s house.

“Where do you live Harree?” Louis asked as they made their way down the sidewalk.

“I’m in a hotel tonight love.” Harry answered, rolling his eyes at the slurring boy.

After a few minutes of silence on Harry’s part, and giggling on Louis’ part, they made it to the hotel. They entered the lift, and harry punched in a number Louis couldn’t quite remember the next day. With a ding the doors slid open, and Harry helped Louis stumble off the lift and through a door into a large room. “It’s huge!” Louis then exclaimed and ran over to the bed, rolling on the white linen sheets. “Come lay with me Harry!” Louis rolled, facing the boy, and gently patted the space next to him.

With a sigh Harry went over to the bed, and lay down next to the small boy.

“Kiss me.” Louis stated. No laugh, or slur, or spark of excitement in his voice. Just Louis, with a simple request.

“What?” Harry asked, he had heard him perfectly clear, but he couldn’t believe this.

“Kiss me you fool.” And this time Harry did not hesitate. He rolled over and cupped the smaller boy’s face with his own, before bringing their lips together.

There were sparks, immediately. Harry didn’t want to sound cliché, but that’s the only way he could describe it. Sparks, warmth engulfing his body as his lips moved in time with Louis’. Louis opened his mouth slightly, and Harry opened his, and they continued, like making out with your best friend was the most normal instance in the world.

Harry let his hands wander, down, down, down Louis’ torso until his long fingers were playing with the waistband of the smaller boy’s jeans. Louis’ breathe hitched, and Harry, not wanting to make Louis uncomfortable removed his hands and placed them on the curvy boy’s sides.

“No, Harry, it’s alright.” Louis mumbled into the kiss, and harry just nodded, letting his hands return to Louis’ jeans, unbuttoning them.

“Can you sit up for me love?” Harry asked calmly, and Louis nodded, lifting himself onto his knees.

Now that Louis was in a much better position, Harry pulled his shirt off, and started leaving kisses down his jaw. From his jawline Harry continued down the boy’s neck and across his collarbone, biting gently as he traced his tongue smoothly over _It Is What It Is,_ causing Louis to let out a moan. Harry didn’t want to make the boy wait, and he quickly slid down Louis’ chest and abs, peppering him with kisses as he went.

Now that he was at Louis’ stomach, he could see the bulge in the boy’s pants, and could feel his own cock pressing against the fabric of his jeans.

Harry yanked at Louis jeans, pulling the fabric down to reveal tanned thighs, “I love your legs babe.” Harry mumbled, kissing his way back up Louis’ leg. “Take these off for me love?” Harry asked, but not waiting for an answer he stood up, pulling his own shirt and pants off. Free from his boxer’s Harry’s cock was bumping against his stomach, painfully erect.

“Harry, you’re so, you’re so… big.” Louis stuttered, staring at Harry with wide eyes.

“You’re not exactly small yourself Lou.” Harry grinned, pushing the naked boy into the pillows and leaving kisses up his thighs, making the smaller boy squirm already. Once Harry reached Louis’s cock he ran his tongue up his shaft, swiping over the head of Louis’ penis.

“Ah!” Louis let out a small gasp, which only turned Harry on more. Harry moved down to Louis’ asshole, and slid his tongue around the edges, making the smaller boy squirm. “Harry,” he gasped, “just fuck me!” Louis begged.

“Someone’s feeling naughty…” Harry laughed as he sat up, reaching to the bedside stand for some lube. Spreading it onto his fingers and around Louis’ hole, he slowly slid in one finger, loosening the tiny boy. He slipped in another finger, causing Louis to let out a gasp. Soon Harry had 3 fingers inside the boy, and was moving them faster and faster, making Louis squirm. “Ah, Harry, will you just, just fuck me Harry p- please!”

Harry slowed the movement of his fingers slowly taking them out, and instead lining up his cock at Louis’ hole. “Ready Lou?”

Clenching his teeth, Louis nodded, and Harry slowly slid into Louis.

“Ah!” Louis let out a sound of discomfort, making Harry stop mid-thrust. “No, keep going…” he mumbled and Harry just nodded at him this time. Continuing his slow thrusts, Louis’ discomfort faded away, and Harry increased his pace.

“Harry…” Louis moaned, but Harry ignored him, his thrusts becoming sloppy, their breathing coming in heavy pants, Louis’ fringe stuck to his forehead with sweat.  “Harry,” Louis gasped, “I’m gonna-”

But Harry cut him off with a shout, coming simultaneously with Louis, who’s cum shot onto his stomach. Harry pulled out of Louis, his breathing still heavy and crawled into the sheets next to the tiny boy.

 

“I love you Harry..” Louis mumbled into his side as they lay curled together.

“I love you too Lou.” Harry replied, rubbing small circles into his back.

They fell asleep like this, curled together, their breathes matching each other’s perfectly.

-

The next day Harry awoke, rolling to look at Louis, he found the sheets empty and cold. “Lou?” he asked sitting up, his head throbbing from last night’s vodka. “Louis?” he called, wandering through the small hotel room. No note. The clothes that had littered the floor the night before were gone. Just as Harry was about to give up his search, he had an idea. _Phones exist dumbass_ hereminded himselfand reached to the bedside stand for his phone. Pulling it out he sent a message to Louis, a contact he hadn’t clicked on in years.

_‘Where are you?’_

He waited a few minutes for a reply, but giving up, got fully dressed and walked to the front desk to check out.

After handing the room key to the young girl at the desk, he opted for the tube, and now made his way down the pavement, checking his phone every few minutes. This continued in the tube and on his short cab ride to his flat.

 

He fell asleep wondering where his soul mate was.

-

Harry woke up to his ringtone, some song from The 1975, he was too tired to remember, or pay attention to it much at this hour.

“Hello?” he answered groggily, squinting his eyes trying to read his clock.

_7am, who would call at this hour?_

“Hey Harry”

_Liam, of course._

“Hey Li. What’s up?” Harry responded, trying to sound cheerful for 7am.

“I was thinking of having a barbecue today, while the weather’s still nice. Us and the other boys.”

_The other boys. Louis would be there!_

This thought flitted through his mind as he was about to decline, but he quickly changed his answer. “Of course man, uh what time?”

“I was thinking like around one?” Liam worded it like a question, always the people pleaser.

“Works for me mate.”

“Alright then, see ya there.”

“Yup, see ya.” And they hung up.

What had happened in the past few years? The band hadn’t hung out this much since they split, and suddenly Harry was in a relationship he was confident had ended, and they were hanging out again. _What was Liam up to? Getting them all together lately, unless, no. Harry shook the awful thought out of his head. None of them were dying, Harry had to stop watching so many depressing movies._

Shaking his head at such ridiculous notions, Harry walked into the bathroom, stripping down and getting in. He twisted the knob and let the warm water wash over him, relishing in the warmth. He lathered himself in soap, his mind numb, avoiding thoughts of Louis. Eventually he had to leave the sanctuary of pouring water, and he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel. He dried off, tousling his hair and going back to his room. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a loose tee shirt, deciding he needn’t anything else to visit _the boys._

10 o’clock, Harry climbed into the driver’s side of his Range Rover, and drove 45 minutes to Liam’s house, filled with anticipation of seeing Louis.

Finally the long drive ended and he slowly turned into a driveway with four other cars. _His best mates_ , he smiled to himself at this.

He slowly exited the car, locking it as he approached Liam’s house. _Why was he so nervous? These are your best mates._ He had to repeat this thought to make it to the door, where he tentatively rang the bell.

A familiar blond opened the door, and Harry smiled. “Niall!” he exclaimed, and the older boy pulled him into a tight hug.

“Haven’t seen ya in ages mate!” he nearly yelled in his thick Irish accent, letting Harry go from the hug. “The other boys are in the back, food’s almost done.” Niall smiled at him fondly, and harry couldn’t help but grin back, he was with his family again.

In the back lawn, harry found Liam, Zayn, Danielle, Perrie, Louis and…Eleanor.  “Hey guys.” Harry gave a weak smile, but it was fake. His heart was shattering, and every time Louis squeezed the brunette’s hand harry wanted to cry. But he kept on with his smiles, and tried to laugh with the other boys, listening to Perrie tell him eagerly about everything that’s happened since they had last seen him. That’s how the night carried on, until Louis went into the house to retrieve more beers.

“Harry, help me out mate?” he asked, and Harry just nodded, following him into the house.

Harry was numb. Being this close to Louis, he wanted to cry, or punch a wall, he wasn’t quite sure. What he did do, was open his mouth and talk. Whatever he had planned to say, it didn’t come out. What did though was a shaky, “You never texted back.”

Louis froze, and let out a shaky breathe. “Harry. I. The other night was amazing. But-”

Harry cut him off in a mocking voice, “Oh Harry! I had you fuck me, and now I’m suddenly straight again! No homo mate!” he was seething with anger.

“Harry.” And then it happened. Louis quickly moved up to Harry and pressed their lips together. “Can I meet you at your place tonight?”

Harry was shocked, he silently nodded, and brought the beers to their friends. It had been 2 minutes in the house, but to Harry it felt like an eternity.

 

That night Louis was sat on Harry’s couch, well laying more like it, pinned down by Harry roughly kissing him.

“I’m sorry Haz-“ Louis mumbled into Harry’s lips.

“’S fine Lou.” Harry replied quickly before deepening the kiss. One thing led to another, and as Louis came on Harry’s couch, he couldn’t be happier. They lay together, tired as hell, and eventually fell asleep on the couch.

 

Harry woke to the same scene he had a week ago. No Louis, no note, just Harry. He sighed, wanting to cry, before noticing the message on his phone.

_Can we meet again tonight? Xx_

Harry sighed in relief, and quickly typed out a reply.

_Of course ;)_

_Thanks love xx_

Harry chuckled at that, the thanks. Like Louis was just using him, but he wouldn’t do that, and Harry shoved this thought deep into his mind.

 

This routine went on into mid-November, Louis going to Harry’s house, getting fucked, saying he loved Harry, things would be different this time, he was leaving Eleanor in the morning. So on November 16th Harry was spending the day with the boys again, this time at Zayn’s house, and he was excited to see Louis.

He arrived, and let himself in, Zayn was chill with this kind of thing. Harry entered the room, his eyes resting on Louis and the girl next to him. He _had_ left Eleanor, for a blonde with, what Harry suspected to be, fake breasts practically falling out of her top.

Harry could feel the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, and he turned on his heel, leaving the room, and the house.

“Harry!” he could hear Zayn calling after him.

He just wanted to go. Anywhere but here, anywhere Louis loved _him_.

“Harry?” a hand rested on his shoulder, and he turned to find Niall behind him.

“What’s wrong mate?” and Harry couldn’t help it. This was Niall, his best mate, he spilled his guts.

All the nights spent together, all the promises whispered in the dark, and how every morning Louis was gone.

“Harry…” was all Niall could answer, but Harry didn’t let him get any farther. He jogged to his range rover and got in, pulling away as Niall tried to run after him. He wasn’t sure what he was running from, Niall or the truth.

 

Arriving home, he slammed the door, locking it he ran up to the bathroom. This was a habit he hadn’t been in for nearly four years, but he couldn’t take it anymore. Reaching into the back of the cabinet he pulled out a razor, fumbling to remove the blade form it. When this was achieved he dragged the blade across his wrist, loving the lines of red that appeared. _He wanted to die._ And it wasn’t the type of wanting to die like when they lost x-factor, he wanted all this pain gone. Harry sliced at his wrists for minutes that felt like hours, loving the blood that trickled down his arm to the floor, landing with tiny plops. Soon, his arm was just a puddle of blood, no undamaged skin showing. Panic quickly set into his bones, and the last thing he remembers was dialing his phone, “Niall help me.”

-

“What the fuck do they want now?” Louis cussed at his ringing phone, it was 2am and Louis was _trying_ to sleep.

“What.” Louis snapped into the phone, not caring if it was the Queen of England at the moment.

“Louis, it’s Harry he- he’s in the hospital, come quick.” Liam’s voice was urgent, and it made Louis’ entire being go cold.  
“Yeah, yeah I’m on my way Liam.” Louis stuttered into the phone, jumping out of bed and pulling on his vans, he had to see Harry.

Louis could only assume they were at the nearest hospital to Harry’s house, and so he made the hour drive to London in 35 minutes, thoughts racing.

_What if I’m too late? What if he doesn’t know I love him? What if he’s… no._ With this thought in his head Louis’ foot slammed on the acceleration, he was going to make it.

Finally he arrived at the hospital, racing through the doors to the secretary, “I need to see Harry Styles!” he practically screamed at the poor woman.

“Okay, let me pull up his room number.” She pulled out her M’s, making the sentence seem like an eternity.

Tapping his foot the woman’s keyboard clicked away, and then she spoke.

“There is no ‘Harry Styles’ on file here, I’m sorry sir.”

Louis’ entire world went blurry, but then clear, the kind of clear only pure anger can bring. Everything stopped, the sliding of feet over tiled floored, the ‘ding’ of elevators, and he screamed. “No! You’re lying to me, you bitch! You lying bitch! He’s here, tell me where he is! I know he’s here! Harry! Har-” he choked on a sob, “Harry… where are you?” Two doctors quickly grabbed him as he sank to the floor, and everything went black.

-

“Li?” Harry groggily croaked, eyes opening to the fluorescent light only hospitals have.

“Yeah Harry?” he jumped up, eager to hear what the boy had to say after hours of unconsciousness.

“What happened?”

“Well, er, you called Niall after you eh,” He nervously cleared his throat, “Well Haz, they think you tried to kill yourself.”

“I didn’t.” Harry croaked. “I wanted to die, sure, but I didn’t try to kill myself.”

“They said your brain seems fine, I don’t know how they work that out, but doctors y’know?” Harry managed a weak smile at this, “So if you get on some meds and come live with me, they said you can leave.” Liam quietly finished.

“I have to be baby sitted?” Harry groaned, tossing his head back onto the pillow.  
“You out yourself in a right state you know.” Liam gestured at his heavily bandaged arm, so I think it’s appropriate actually.

They sat in silence after that, Harry thinking over everything, everything that had caused this, and he remembered Louis. “Is he here?” Harry asked, to no one in particular.

Zayn was the only one that heard him, “hm, what’s that mate?”

“Is he here?” Harry spoke again.

Zayn just shook his head, sighing.

-

2 days later Harry was leaving the hospital, signing all the forms, and walking out to Liam’s car with him. They climbed in, Liam turning on the engine and turning up the heat. Harry strapped himself with the seatbelt, and they made the ride back to Liam’s house, where Harry was to be staying.

“Why didn’t Louis come see me?” Harry asked quietly.

He reminded Louis of a frightened child. All quiet and flinching, not yet trustful of the world.

“I don’t know bud.” Liam sighed. “I called him, he said he was coming, I don’t know.”

“Yeah well, he lies a lot.” This brought up something Harry hadn’t felt in a while, it erased the self-pity and pain, it was pure anger. He felt so mad, at _everyone._ He pulled back his fist, and as hard as he could, slammed it into the dashboard, he didn’t stop though, he did it again and again and again, blocking out the world, he had to hit _something._

“Harry!” Liam yelled, swerving the car, nearly hitting a pole before costing to the side. “Harry stop!” Liam grabbed Harry’s arms and wrapped himself around the struggling boy, staying in this position until Harry’s breathing slowed, and he stopped struggling.

“Harry.”

“I’m sorry Li. I just love him so much, and he doesn’t love me and I don’t know what I did.” The tears started then, and Liam just looked at Harry, realizing that his friend was more broken than he seemed.

-

Louis had gone home. He slept. He cried. But he was okay. At least that’s what he told himself. He had tried calling the boys, but none answered. He wanted to talk to someone, mostly Harry, but last time he dialed Harry a cold voice, reminiscent of Liam, told him to not call back. Click.

But Louis went on with his life, living in his flat and acting like he wasn’t completely falling apart. His girlfriend had left him, telling Louis that he obviously didn’t love her, sneering that he was probably gay. If only she knew.

-

Harry lived a restful life with Liam, Danielle, and Loki of course. Loki was in his old age now, fur graying, but he was Harry’s best friend at the moment. He knew he could trust Loki, _dogs don’t stab you in the back_ , Harry thought bitterly.

Liam treated him as a fragile child, to put it quite honestly. He had “chores” to complete, but if all he did was stare at the wall all day, he still got a pat on the back. One thing Harry did daily though was walk Loki daily. Damn did he love that dog, but even that couldn’t make him truly happy.

Harry still had that general feeling of wanting to die; it was always there, hovering like a cloud of smoke over his head.

And damn it was Harry tired of wanting to die, maybe it was time _to_ die. So one night, sick of crying himself to sleep he decided, for the next 2 weeks he was saving his pills, the special ones from the hospital, and he was taking them. All of them.

And so nights turned to days, days to weeks, November to December, and Harry was ready.

December 2nd, 2016.

Liam leaves to go to the store, calling out a “Bye Harry, be back in about an hour!”

“Bye Liam!” Harry calls back, knowing how permanent this goodbye is.

He pads into his room, taking out the letters he had written for friends and family, lining up the pieces of paper along his bed.

_Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Mum, Gemma._

“Bye.” Harry whispered, and turning away from them, the most painful part of his imminent death, he knew he was ready. But he needed to do something else first, something for the fans, he knew they loved him, that he didn’t doubt. Logging onto twitter, something he hadn’t done in a while, he composed one last tweet. _“@Harry_Styles: Big love to all the fans, you made it all happen. You made it the best. I love you all xx”_

Pulling out the bottle of pills, he shook them all into his hands, praying to god this worked.

“It’s been a good run.” And with that he swallowed the pills, forcing them down, choking, throat burning, choking on vomit, but he was happier than ever before. His last thought was Louis’ face, eyes crinkled up in the biggest smile.

-

December 3rd, 9:00am.

A knock on his door, strange at this hour, but Louis answered it, to a teary eyed Niall.  
“Niall mate what-?” before Louis could finish his sentence the blonde boy launched himself into Louis’ arms.

“I’m so sorry Louis.” Niall muttered, but Louis was confused.

He pulled away from the younger boy, worry settling deep into his heart, “Niall… what happened?”

Niall was practically sobbing now, “They- they found him last night Lou. Harry he-“ the boy started crying again, but recovered himself to finish the sentence, “He took a bunch of pills Lou, left notes and everything.”

The earth stopped at that moment, or at least for Louis it did.  He sank to the floor, numb, nothing but the rush of blood in his ears and what felt like pins in his heart.

This couldn't be happening, Harry couldn't be… _dead._

He couldn't even comprehend that sentence, Harry was always supposed to be there for him.

He tried to say something to Niall, but all that came out was sobs, he was choking, body shaking with tears that wouldn't stop. He doesn't know when but at some point Niall joined him on the floor, and both cried, not even attempting to hide the pain.

Soon Zayn arrived, and eventually Liam, and these 4 boys, _brothers_ ,  cried together. It was the worst pain any of them had ever felt.

_‘I would lose x-factor 20 million times, for this to go away’_ Louis thought, but apparently he spoke it, because the other boys nodded.

Somehow they pulled it together, and they all went home. And the next week they had the funeral, and the next week they got interviewed, one last time, as _One Direction_. But they weren't One Direction. Not without Harry.

 

-

 

The 3rd of December. Louis was 26 years old and he was getting drunk to forget, forget the thing that haunted him every moment of his life. But how does someone forget the person they love most?

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first real fanfic so I'm sorry if it was absolutely awful, thanks for reading :)


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